I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
