Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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