found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
