I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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