You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
