I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
