Pappa wants mamma naked
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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