The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
