If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
