first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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