i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize