Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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