Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
