I skipped work to stalk him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
