you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
