the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cannot find my penis.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
