i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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