He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
3 2 1 whiskey
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
