piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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