Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
