Where is the hickey?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
