He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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