he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
