sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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