she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
