it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
