I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's just like the Real World with babies
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
