go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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