Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
did you just send me my own nude
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
