i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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