Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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