My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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