My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
