I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
