wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
