It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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