Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
