I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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