My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
