I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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