If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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