and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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