i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
