so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
not ubering you a puppy
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
