remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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