There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
