I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We left an ass print on the piano.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
