I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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