The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
