Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
