do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
