He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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