Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
