She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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