An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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