She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize