Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
