Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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