Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
