these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
