Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
