apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
