In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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