Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
