I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
