the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
