she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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